So... First blog, 'sup, world?
If you're expecting an "OMIGOSH, I'M SO HAPPY RITE NOW" kind of post, I'm sorry to disappoint. It's been stressful lately and consider this the vent zone. I'm getting to breaking point, and I find this a better alternative than to blow up on everybody.
Anyway, some of my problems as of late are just letting simple things bothering me.
I'm not going to list off everything, maybe I will some other time....
Sophomores- Why--for the love of Marty McFly--do you refuse to answer my texts and bail on me for pictures? Why do you not want to be in the yearbook? I have a deadline. D: All I need is a picture and a quote. D:
My back- I don't know if everyone knows this but just like my mother I have a bad back. I have two things: one, lordosis, meaning my back goes more inward than the average back.
^ Lordosis
Yes, sometimes it does feel weird.
But that's not the biggest problem I have with my back. I also have Degenerative Disc Disorder. The discs (the shock absorbers in the spine) are slowly becoming nonexistent, meaning that bone is on top of bone, which doesn't feel pretty. It also pinches nerves, like my sciatic. So I have sciatica, obviously my sciatic nerve is enflamed. It usually affects my left leg (though there have been occasions where it has gone to my right. You know, to change things up a bit). What the feels like for me... Usually it's just a dull pain that shoots down from my ass to almost my ankle, constantly. Intensity varies. Most of the time it's bearable and I can just ignore it.
To be honest, I can get really frustrated about this. Somedays I'll wake and my back will be completely stiff and I'll be in so much pain, to the point where I'll just be like, "Kay, I don't even want to do anything." One day i'll be having a good day, nothing will be bothering me; then the next day I could be to the point where it's just hard for me to move. It sucks when I have a bad back day in stagecraft, I kinda feel pretty lame if I can't help someone lift something and have to pawn it off on someone else... I also really hate that my boyfriend Daniel always has to help me up because it's not as easy for me to get up on my own sometimes. Point of the matter being is that I hate feeling helpless.
Side note- I'm a little bummed that Prop 203 didn't pass. Before you go thinking, "Tabz, you pot smoking liberal hippie! D:<" Here's my reasoning: My mother also has what I have, except ten times worse. My mother is also allergic to ALL narcotics, meaning she can't take pain medication for what she has, no Valium, no Morphine. Ibuprofen isn't effective, here. So for her, the use of medical marijuana would be beneficial. I don't like my mother being in pain.
Certain Friends- I'm not necessarily angry per se, just a bit frustrated at some situations and circumstances. I wish I could talk to my friends more. Yes, I know, I have a boyfriend, who obviously I love spending my time with (and not to mention him himself, but let's move on before I make you gag), and it can make making plans with me difficult. I always feel bad because it seems like every time a friend actually tries to make plans with me I either a) Am already out somewhere with Daniel, and b) am busy with homework or a yearbook related event or something. And when ever I try to make plans they never seem to go through...
EXAMPLE-
Me: Hey, we should hang out on Friday!
Friend: Yea, we totally should!
And then when Friday comes around...
Me:...
And then the next day you find out that they hung out with someone else that day. Or on that day they go, oops sorry, family plans!
Story of my life since the seventh grade.
And then there's other issues, some of my friends don't seem to come up to talk to me sincerely. No, i don't mean they're being asses or anything; I'm talking about motives. There are these two people that I consider really close friends, I'd do almost anything for them, honestly. I hardly get to see either of them now, except for the certain classes I have with them. One of them is going through an exciting milestone in their life and it slightly makes it harder to be around them due to their excitement and enthusiasm. No, it's not that I'm not happy for them, because I totally am, it's just I miss them. I wouldn't mind a "Hey, what's up!" every once in awhile, you know? And when the first time they really came up to talk to me in awhile it was just about plans that revolved around that exciting thing, there wasn't even a, "Hey, what's up?" in there at all... And my other friend... Well, they've always been difficult. I always expect that. I don't expect anything else. Recently, we have connected a little bit more, which I'm happy about! But... usually it has to do with them just to complain about something. Don't get me wrong it's nice to listen to a friend and try to help them out, but after awhile you just start to kind of feel used.
There's other things on my mind on the subject of friends that are eating at me, but I'll save those for another time. But these right now are the things eating at me the most right now.
I promise I'm not completely negative! D:
I know my life is in no way horrible. Frustrating at times, yes, but not anywhere close to being horrible. I just wanted a chance to vent.
Anyway, I'd also like to list some things that I'm thankful for, since Thanksgiving is this month.
Good grades- 1st quarter I earned 4 A's, and one B. Amazing for me. I haven't had such good grades since the eighth grade. Sad, I know, but totally true. I'm proud of myself, I haven't missed one homework assignment, nor have blown off things I had to make-up from absent days. I'm so glad I didn't take math this year, I struggle with math, I really do. I have this horrible tendency if I do bad in math that I'll also drag in my other classes as well because I become discouraged. So with not having a math class as a distraction my grades have been great.
The holiday season- Totally stoked. I'm already listening to Christmas music, it's so, so, so, so sad. I can't wait to eat pumpkin muffins, wear cute winter clothes, and decorate the tree! Now the important question is...
What the hell do I get Daniel for Christmas? D:
